It wasn't his fault, was it?
by SugarCoatedCoffeeBean
Summary: Steven, not being able to sleep, gets up to calm his nerves. The weight of Bismuth's return and bubbling is still fresh in his mind, but this event has also brought with it some old memories. Will he break down under the pressure and guilt of his mother's actions, or will he tough it out for another night? Simple one-shot


Steven lay awake in his bed. He wasn't sure what time it was but it was most likely very late into the night or even early morning. He sighed and sat up, all hopes of getting to sleep were in vain at this point. He swung his legs over the side of his bed and slid off. He quietly stepped down the stairs careful not to alert the attention of his caretakers and mentors, the Crystal Gems. Once he was downstairs he made a beeline to the kitchen to make some hot chocolate. He chose a pink mug set out the ingredients on the counter and turned on the kettle. While the water was boiling he sat by the large window at the entrance to his home and stared out onto the beach and saw tiny sparkling specks in the sand. They looked peaceful laying stoic on the surface of the sand but when you made a sand ball they were forcibly stuck together.

The War. The Gem shards. The Cluster.

It wasn't his fault.

He sat silently, staring at nothing. Suddenly, the kettle let off a shrill whistle indicating that the water had boiled. Steven instantly snapped out of his trance and ran to shut the thing up before it got anyone's attention. He waited and listened, nothing had stirred. He breathed a sigh of relief and began to make his drink. After mixing everything together he realized that he added to much water and the drink had been spoilt. He dumped the drink down the drain and tried again. He stared at the remnants of the last drink that were left in the bottom of the sink. They were messed up, something happened to them.

The Kindergarten. The corrupted gems. Jasper.

It wasn't his fault.

Steven sighed heavily, took the mug with the new drink and sat outside on the porch. Silently looking out at the ocean. The waves were calm, gently moving in and out from the shore, sometimes putting an object on the sand then came back and took it away. Like it decided that it would be best to keep it a little longer before setting it free.

The other member. He had to poof her. Bismuth.

It wasn't his fault.

A single tear ran down Steven's face as he remembered what he had to do to Bismuth. He would love more than anything to say he had to do it for Bismuth's sake, like everyone had been telling him but he still felt guilty. He continued to look out onto the waves. Yellow-orange hazes began to slowly spread from the horizon, as if someone was using water color paints. It was gorgeous. Steven took a deep breath as he relaxed his body. Suddenly the door to the porch opened and started him, making himself drop the mug, causing it to shatter upon contact with the floor. This was the last straw. This was the final pebble it took for the dam to break.

The mug was pink.

It.

Steven was silent as tears streamed from his face. He tried in vain to wipe them away with his hands.

His mother.

Wasn't

He looked up at the sky, it was now covered with a pink hue stretching out from the horizon line, blotting out the yellow orange.

Pink Diamond.

His.

GONE. SHATTERED.

Fault...

It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault.

It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault.

It wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault.

Again and again the words were repeated in his mind as if he was trying desperately to reason with himself. It wasn't his fault the cluster was created, but he couldn't save them. It wasn't his fault that Jasper had been corrupted, but he couldn't save her. It wasn't his fault that Bismuth had gone through all of the torture she did, but he couldn't save her. It wasn't his fault that his mother was gone, he never asked to have her gem. It wasn't his fault that Pink Diamond was no more, yet the weight of his mother's sins were too much to bear for him. He wasn't Rose Quartz. He was Steven Universe. So it couldn't be his fault. Could it?

Steven's mind was at war. He didn't notice the person who sat beside him while this was happening. He didn't notice the arms that wrapped around him and pulled him into a hug. He didn't notice the soft reassuring words that were being said to him. He didn't notice the other two who had come to sit beside them. He only cried. He wasn't sure how long because soon everything became darkness.

Steven woke up in his bed, sat up and looked around. The gems were fast asleep around him. Garnet had her arms around him, Amethyst was curled up at his side, while Pearl was by his other side. Steven smiled a bit, knowing that these three would always be there for him. Whether he was Rose Quartz or not they would always be there. Always. Steven lay back down against Garnet and muttered something before drifting off to sleep once more "Thank you." Garnet smiled in her 'sleep' and whispered back "You're welcome."

Now before you yell at me, I know that this was a bit rushed and kinda shabby but it's not all that bad right? No? I know...but if you did like it, please feel free to show it some love and tell me what you thought! What needs to be improved? What sucked? I'd love to hear but please only constructive criticism!


End file.
